Oh okay...exciting news. David A. Bednar and Lynn G. Robbins are coming to speak to the mission on the 13th of March
I AM SO GREAT! My life has been changeeeddd.
Aright, so a few weeks ago mom asked me to consider the things that had changed in my life over the last 6 months in the way of the gospel, myself, and others.
I'm not going to lie. I really had a hard time with this at first. I have been so sad lately because as I was approaching 6 months I reflected and I had never had an investigator at church, never had anyone close to baptism and etc.. I was feeling really down and felt like I wasn't really making a difference here in the mission. The days dragged by and were so long, I was not enjoying the work at all, and I was all in all in a bad mood all the time. About two weeks ago, I knelt down and said a prayer because I was having such a hard time. I was really unhappy and I just wanted to know what I needed to do to be happy because I knew this work was something that I loved, so why didn't I love doing it? I got the impression that I needed to call President Jardine.
I finally sat down and talked to Hna Seller about all the things I was feeling. I told her that I felt like I needed to call President but I had no clue what to say to him because I really didn't even know how I was feeling. We, after talking about it for hours, decided that I was feeling unsatisfied. I know that I don't need to base my success on numbers, I really don't care if I am getting a lot of baptisms or not. But if I know this, why am i feeling so UNSATISFIED? So I finally had something to call President about...I had pinpointed it to a feeling. I called President Jardine and we talked for awhile. I told me that I felt unsatisfied in a work that I loved and I couldn't figure out why. He asked me what I considered to be a successful missionary. Step by step we talked about what I could be doing better in what I thought was a good missionary. I was talking about how I don't feel like i feel the spirit guide me. Finally he said, "Sister Porter, it sounds like you are really anxious all the time." I said "yep. basically" He laughed and he said, "How do you expect to feel the spirit if you are anxious and nervous all the time?" Good question, President.... After that conversation with him I feel SO much better. I feel like I have somewhere to start working and I'm no longer sad with my results. I feel successful and I feel like I have purpose again. I take missionary work as best as I can and I do the best I can. I no longer feel anxious about meeting goals no one as set for me. I just need to use the atonement every day to make up for the little flaws I have that way I can forget and move one and continue to try to progress.
This is where "Remember Lot's Wife" comes into play. I realized....I AM LOTS WIFE. I was looking back. Not longingly but I was looking back. I wasn't hopeful in the Lords ability to give me the better future that He had for me. I was almost turned into a pillar of SALT! I'm glad I wasn't and I realized the error of my ways soon enough. Thanks for that talk mom. It really helped.
So after I had the fresh perspective I can finally, JOYFULLY, write you the things that I have learned over the last 6 months.
I've changed in almost every way possible. Last night, I was talking to some boys and their family about the church and the importance of serving a mission. This family just got sealed in the temple last November and the boys, who are 15 and 14, are not sure if they want to serve a mission. I realized while taking to them that your testimony becomes so much more firm of everything your have learned growing up when you serve a mission. You realize the importance of EVERYTHING because you see people, up close and personal, who don't have it. You realize the impact it had made in your life, for the better. As you teach people about these simple truths your testimony grows into something you never thought it could ever be.
My testimony has been strengthened so much, especially pertaining to the word of wisdom. I've seen so many people struggle with it while here in the mission. Active, recent convert, non-member, all of them I've seen struggle with it and it isn't easy for any of them. There was a family that the other Hermanas taught in N. Sac that the mom wanted to get baptized so bad by she smoked, drank tea and coffee, and alcohol and so it took them a while. Finally, she knew the word of wisdom was true. She realized that anything addictive that make you crave it all the time could not be from God. So it was New Years Even, she went outside and smoked 2 packs of cigarettes, drank a pot of coffee and a bottle of beer and said when she was done she wasn't going to touch it ever again. She held to her word. The withdraws she experienced were excruciating but she did it and they were baptized 2 weeks later. Her husband now has the priesthood and they are working to be sealed in a year. Just the fact that things are so addictive has proven to me that the word of wisdom is true. It dulls your sensitivity to the spirit. Can I get an "Amen" to prophecy?
My relationship with the Lord is also something that has changed a lot, even in you the last week. I'm learning to rely on Him a lot more. My prayers have become a lot more meaningful and I now understand what "pleading" with the Lord feel like. I'm better understanding the way answers come to me and I'm recognizing the spiritual promptings more and more. I can feel the spirit in the lessons I teach and the contacting I do. The lord has blessed me exceedingly.
I am not perfect. Welp, there it is. Took me awhile to figure this out and now that I have I sometimes think I am the runt of the litter but I'm getting used to it. I'm having a hard time finding the balance of thinking I'm good enough and thinking I'm the best. It seems to just be the one or the other. It is a slow transition for me but I'm trying to find my place as I am surrounded by so many great missionaries, it is sometimes hard to hold my own. But like I said before, I'm relying on the Lord more and I'm slowly finding my place.
I'm also not a very good leader. This is mainly in the day to day companions things. Hermana Gigger and Hurley were really good at starting contacting. I'm not. This is really hard. I get really self conscience and it is hard. Once it is started I'm good and I can go with it but starting is a struggle. I really need to work on that. REALLY REALLY. One step at a time.
Also, I'm still ok at connecting with people. I just re-realized this last night. We had dinner with our ward mission leader and his wife. His wife isn't know for being the nicest or most welcoming person in the world. I was absolutely terrified I was going to get yelled at. I decided I was just going to do the best i could and hope she'd like me. turns out...she LOVES me. She kept saying "me encanta tu felicidad." she said it like 10 times. Then when we went to say goodbye we all hugged her goodbye. I was the last one and she grabbed me tight and said " You're beautiful. I love your happiness. Always have it because that will be what leads people to you and the message you share." Then she started to cry. Talk about heart melting...the ice queen herself is crying while hugging you. Needless to say, I started crying too. Then after that we went to the Castillanos house and I connected really well with their family. It was go great to have my mojo back.
I'm really good at connecting with less-active teenage boys. I'll tell you what. If I meet LA teens, seminary is in their future...
Alright, I don't have time to type the other's portion of this email so you will have to keep waiting until next week. I have to have some incentive to keep you reading :)
I just want to leave you with my testimony that I know this church is true. I know it more than anything and I love this message I share. I fasted yesterday for the burning passion of this work and it is here. I feel as if I am on fire. I love being able to share the Restored Gospel to those people who are here in California. The Lord has truly blessed me exceedingly. I'm a one lucky Child of God to be here doing His work.
I love you all and hope you have a great week.
Love,
Hermana Porter.
GOSPEL SENSE:
I've changed in almost every way possible. Last night, I was talking to some boys and their family about the church and the importance of serving a mission. This family just got sealed in the temple last November and the boys, who are 15 and 14, are not sure if they want to serve a mission. I realized while taking to them that your testimony becomes so much more firm of everything your have learned growing up when you serve a mission. You realize the importance of EVERYTHING because you see people, up close and personal, who don't have it. You realize the impact it had made in your life, for the better. As you teach people about these simple truths your testimony grows into something you never thought it could ever be.
My testimony has been strengthened so much, especially pertaining to the word of wisdom. I've seen so many people struggle with it while here in the mission. Active, recent convert, non-member, all of them I've seen struggle with it and it isn't easy for any of them. There was a family that the other Hermanas taught in N. Sac that the mom wanted to get baptized so bad by she smoked, drank tea and coffee, and alcohol and so it took them a while. Finally, she knew the word of wisdom was true. She realized that anything addictive that make you crave it all the time could not be from God. So it was New Years Even, she went outside and smoked 2 packs of cigarettes, drank a pot of coffee and a bottle of beer and said when she was done she wasn't going to touch it ever again. She held to her word. The withdraws she experienced were excruciating but she did it and they were baptized 2 weeks later. Her husband now has the priesthood and they are working to be sealed in a year. Just the fact that things are so addictive has proven to me that the word of wisdom is true. It dulls your sensitivity to the spirit. Can I get an "Amen" to prophecy?
My relationship with the Lord is also something that has changed a lot, even in you the last week. I'm learning to rely on Him a lot more. My prayers have become a lot more meaningful and I now understand what "pleading" with the Lord feel like. I'm better understanding the way answers come to me and I'm recognizing the spiritual promptings more and more. I can feel the spirit in the lessons I teach and the contacting I do. The lord has blessed me exceedingly.
MYSELF:
I am not perfect. Welp, there it is. Took me awhile to figure this out and now that I have I sometimes think I am the runt of the litter but I'm getting used to it. I'm having a hard time finding the balance of thinking I'm good enough and thinking I'm the best. It seems to just be the one or the other. It is a slow transition for me but I'm trying to find my place as I am surrounded by so many great missionaries, it is sometimes hard to hold my own. But like I said before, I'm relying on the Lord more and I'm slowly finding my place.
I'm also not a very good leader. This is mainly in the day to day companions things. Hermana Gigger and Hurley were really good at starting contacting. I'm not. This is really hard. I get really self conscience and it is hard. Once it is started I'm good and I can go with it but starting is a struggle. I really need to work on that. REALLY REALLY. One step at a time.
Also, I'm still ok at connecting with people. I just re-realized this last night. We had dinner with our ward mission leader and his wife. His wife isn't know for being the nicest or most welcoming person in the world. I was absolutely terrified I was going to get yelled at. I decided I was just going to do the best i could and hope she'd like me. turns out...she LOVES me. She kept saying "me encanta tu felicidad." she said it like 10 times. Then when we went to say goodbye we all hugged her goodbye. I was the last one and she grabbed me tight and said " You're beautiful. I love your happiness. Always have it because that will be what leads people to you and the message you share." Then she started to cry. Talk about heart melting...the ice queen herself is crying while hugging you. Needless to say, I started crying too. Then after that we went to the Castillanos house and I connected really well with their family. It was go great to have my mojo back.
I'm really good at connecting with less-active teenage boys. I'll tell you what. If I meet LA teens, seminary is in their future...
Alright, I don't have time to type the other's portion of this email so you will have to keep waiting until next week. I have to have some incentive to keep you reading :)
I just want to leave you with my testimony that I know this church is true. I know it more than anything and I love this message I share. I fasted yesterday for the burning passion of this work and it is here. I feel as if I am on fire. I love being able to share the Restored Gospel to those people who are here in California. The Lord has truly blessed me exceedingly. I'm a one lucky Child of God to be here doing His work.
I love you all and hope you have a great week.
Love,
Hermana Porter.
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