January 12, 2015

Debbie Downer

 

So this email is really depressing for the most part and I'm sorry. This week has just been extremely hard. I'm having a hard time seeing the miracles but and the same time I still love the work. I decided I didn't want to make it seem like I was doing really well I haven't been doing really well. Don't worry, because somethings got to give and I feel a miracle in our near future! 

This week has been the worst week of my mission thus far. That sounds really depressing but that is how my week has gone. I've been really sad and depressed all week and I couldn't change it. All the Hermanas in the apartment were super worried about me and they'd give me advice on how to be better and how to be happier but in all honestly, it just made me more angry. I knew everything they were telling me to do would help but I didn't have the desire to do anything. I would try and I would just get sadder and sadder. 

It has been a really long time since I had been that sad, years I would say. I had made up my mind a long time ago that I wanted to be a happier person and I have been since I have been on my mission. I smile all the time and I laugh and I'm so happy but to have that hit me, it was really hard. I didn't know what to do or how to handle it. I was angry at Hna Cuesta and Hna Hurley for being happy with their companionship and I felt the same way towards Elder Ward and Elder Poulton because of their happiness. Everyone was so happy and I was mad and sad. Then I'd get even more sad because I didn't feel that anyone was noticing how sad and unhappy I was. I realized I was being really selfish. 

One day, during personal study I had the thought that I needed to pray. Not just a silent prayer in my head but a real out loud prayer. I went into the bathroom and just started to pray. I spent the rest of personal study in there. The spirit was so strong in that bathroom (that doesn't really have a ring to it but it is the truth.) So that's what I've been doing. I've been praying in the bathroom and it helps. For a little while I feel a lot of peace. 

It was still really bad until we did service. It was super hard and I was not happy. But we did a lot of service on Saturday and we cleaned for a lady and I felt so good after that. I have been a lot happier. I'm not back to normal but I feel a lot happier. I've been smiling a lot the last couple of days and it has been easier. 

I hope this week starts to look up and I start to feel a lot better. I've started a gratitude journal and I really hope that helps. I'm also going to stop focusing on my and start focusing on those around me. i think that could help a lot. 

QUESTIONS

Did you get your pillowcases?

I did. It stressed me out a little bit to have those bills in there. Sorry I spent so much money. I was also a little sad that there wasn't a note from you in there :( But I loved them. It makes me so happy to get pillow cases. Hna Hurley was really sad not to get one this month! Haha. 

What do you like best about your companion?

She is a really hard worker. She just always wants to work and I really needed it this week. The times I felt the best is when we were out talking to people and working. I'd forget about myself and that'd help a lot. 

How's the chemistry in your apartment with the changes?

I feel off but it seems to be okay. We didn't realize how much Hna Sheffer balanced us all out until she left. We really really miss her. But we are getting into the swing of things with the new companion. 

What is the best thing that happened this week?

We had a lesson with Jonathan Perez. We talked about prayer and he sat in on gospel conversation. He talks to us with out a fight now! We were so happy! we are making so much progress with him even if it is really slow!

What is the funniest thing that happened?

Last night we went to see Hno Allan and he make some of this really nasty soup. It was so bad. He was so proud of it thought. I took a bite of it and I was for sure I was going to throw up. It tasted like strait up fish. It was so bad. It was a blessing that we have to sit outside with him. He went into the house to make us some cool aid and so hna Gigger started to put spoonful's of the soup into his yard. I felt bad doing that so I said. "Hno I forgot something in the car." and I went and I dumped the soup out bye the car. He thought we loved it and so he gave us more to take home. The funny thing is that we got some of the soup on us trying to dispose of it and so the rest of the night we smelt horrible. When we went to Hna Perez she kept saying "What's that smell." Finally we were like it was us. She just started dying laughing. 

Who are some of your favorite ward members?

Hna Perez. Hna Baltazar, Brenda, Jose, Hna Ochoa. I love all of them so much!! 

What are some of the activities the ward has planned?

None that I know of.

What was the favorite lesson you taught this week?

Jonathan Perez. Or a lesson we taught on exchanges. The Hnas have a family getting baptized this Saturday and I taught them with Hna Cuesta. I didn't say a whole lot but it was amazing to see people who actually wanted to get baptized and see actual investigators. The spirit was so strong in that room!! 

I hope this week didn't seem to horrible. We got to do some service and clean a lady's house that was cockroach infested. It was so nasty. Mom you would have been so proud of me! I only gagged once (or 20) times! We spent 5 hours there and it still wasn't close to clean but it looked a lot better! I felt so good after that service! 

Also, my camera died this week and I never charged it so I have no pictures...Sorry. 

Love, 

Hermana Porter