Last Week!!

This week it was so busy it isn't even funny. I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. Sunday was fast Sunday and we decided to have a district fast for us, that we will have the courage to speak once we get out in the field and we won't be too nervous and also for our trainers that they can have more spiritual experiences and be ready for us. I have really been stressing out about this whole "actual field" thing and as soon as we started the fast I felt immediately calm and it helped so much. I've never felt the power of the fast that strong. It was really amazing.

On Saturday we had a Book of Mormon activity with Hno Salomon and we read Alma 36 together and I got so many things from this. The first thing is in Verse 3. Alma is talking to Helaman and telling him all the advice a father would give to his son. He told him that the only way we can find true happiness is through the gospel and we have to gain that conversion on our own. Our obedience to God and his commandments are what bring us true happiness. This made me realize how much I value the advice of mom and dad and all the things they've told me. It also made me realize how important it is to gain your own conversion. You can rely on anyone else, you have to gain it for yourself. 

Verses 10-17

If we don't obey we will one day realize all of our sins. We will feel all the pain we will have caused others and we will feel the guilt for our mistakes. It might not come right away when we start to make bad choices but the guilt will come because we will know the things that our parent have taught us. I know that is prevalent in my life. I know everything that mom and dad have taught me but when I make my own choices and it isn't along the teaching that I know to be true I feel the pain of my mistakes later and the guilt and it reaffirms how much we need to obey the Lord and our parents.

Verse 27 and part of 29

The lord is there with us through all of our trials. He will not leave us alone. He will set us free from bondage again and again because he loves us and he wants us to choice the right.  The Savior didn't suffer for us just to relive us of sin once and then the other times we sin he'll say, oh I helped you that one time and that is enough. No, he will help us always and he will continue to be there for us and love us. That brings me so much comfort because I know I will never be perfect and I know my life will be hard but that I can always receive comfort and peace through the atonement of Christ brings me great joy.

Sunday pretty much changed my life. We had an amazing devotional by Elder Bednar and he talks all about the natural man and how it is an enemy to God. He gave countless examples of how Christ was the perfect example of someone who turns outwards and focused on other people. That even in the middle of His greatest anguish He still turned outward and helped others. Not once did He feel sorry for himself and wonder why people weren't helping him. He said that we need to develop this characteristic in our lives but it isn't one that we can develop because we want to, it is one we develop as we start to have love for the Savior and want to help others. When we do this, we find ourselves but we won't be looking. We will experience true conversion but we won't be looking for it. We will know who we are but we won't be looking for who we are because we will be so focused on others. How great would it be to have some of these characteristics?

We also watched a video about Joseph Smith this night. The thing that really stuck me was that him and Emma were talking right before Joseph was about to go to Carthage Jail and Emma asked him "Do you ever think the Lord asks too much from you." and Joseph responded with "No, I do not allow myself." How amazing is that? He knew that he might die. He knew that he might never see Emma again or their children in this life and yet giving up his life was not too much for the Lord to ask. He was willing to do it with out a doubt because he was truly converted to this gospel and I wish I had that type of personality. I thought the Lord was asking too much by asking me to go on a mission but really that is nothing. That is 18 months of my life where some people give all of theirs for the gospel. I should be counting my blessings not wishing I was doing something else. 

I'm going to skip to yesterday because I am running out of time. 

Yesterday Hno. Salomon sat us down and told us that he has lost his job here at the CCM and that he couldn't continue to teach us for the next 2 days because his contract was up and they said he either had to renew or find a new job. He said he felt like it was time to move on from the CCM but he really wanted to finish out our stay and be our teacher for the next 2 days but his boss said he couldn't so yesterday was his last day teaching us. We were all heart broken. Since he was leaving he sat us down and told us he wanted us to share 3 things with him. 1. Our testimony 2. What is the biggest thing we've learned here at the CCM and 3. What we expect from our missions. Here is basically what I said. 

I know that this gospel is true and I know it without a doubt. There is no way I would leave my mom and dad and dog for 18 months for something that wasn't 1000 percent true. I know that the Book of Mormon is ANOTHER testament of Jesus Christ because I've read it and I've prayed about it. And because I know the Book of Mormon is true, I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet and we have modern day prophets. The biggest thing I have learned here in the CCM is how much God knows each of His children personally and he knows what they need and when they need it. He helps us. I have a hard time seeing His help in my life but I can see it in my district members and since he is helping ALL of them I know he must be helping me too. What I expect from my mission is to plant a lot of little seeds. I don't expect a grand conversion story that will be published in an article or and huge miracle to happen, I just expect me to be the example and plant a lot of little seeds and one day they will turn into plants. 

After I said this Elder Anderson said something that really struck me. He said "Like Porter, I expect to plant a lot of little seeds but I also expect a big story and I want that big story to be me. I want it to be my conversion. I want to be my biggest convert. " 

And that is so true. That is what I really want. I want me to be my biggest convert because I have dedicated myself to this calling and I have done my best and tried my hardest to bring the fullness of the everlasting gospel into other peoples lives and as I have done that I will be converted. 

I know this gospel is true. I am so thankful for the opportunity to serve a mission and I'm glad for the experiences I'm having and for the things I am learning. I wish I could share all of them with you. I know that it is never too late to repent and ask for forgiveness and develop a relationship with the Savior. I know that if you are struggling now, start to day and do something to change it. 

I love you all. 

Hermana Porter. 

QUESTIONS

What is the thing that sticks out most that you have learned at the MTC?

How much God loves all of us and how the gospel was put together with exactness. Everything that has happened has happened for a reason and in some way or another this gospel if for everyone. I've also learned a lot about the atonement and how powerful it is and how much it helps EVERYONE

Are either of your companions going to Sacramento?

None of my companions are going with me to Sacramento. Only one of my elders is. Elder Burwell. 

How many people will be traveling to Sacramento with you?

There are 4 of us I think. 3 Hermanas and 1 elder. I love the other Hermanas and they are so funny. I'm convinced one of them will be my companion for a while. If not, I will be disappointed. 

Anything funny happen this week?

I taught my district about joulers. I attached some pictures. 

Are you feeling a little more confident in speaking Spanish?

A little bit but not a lot. I feel like I am going backwards now. I hope it picks up more when I'm in the field and learning a lot and speaking with natives.